Questions My Daughter Thinks I Have The Answer To

Or why I can’t give advice

“Should I start saving up to move out, Mom?”


For context, the moggy kitten is going to be 17 in July, so this isn’t a random question. We were about to go practice her driving, (picture a cheerful young lady taking the wheel and an old cat clinging to the chair beside her,) and we were about to walk out the door.

“Should I save up to move out? I don’t know.”


Lord, the answers I do not have for my kitten.

So, What Do I Tell Her?

All I know from my own life is that you should never take the easy way out. That’s how you paint yourself into a corner.

But what is worth investing in? I have a standing order of never taking on more than I think I can handle. That’s why there is only one kitten.

However, I am painfully conscious of frequently dipping out of opportunities. Of never following up on an interview or refusing job offers, just because I feared the extra burden.

It isn’t fair to dump that on the kitten. Her mom being a twit isn’t her problem.

Lack of Knowledge

I have very little idea what tuition for a junior college or a mid-tier college would be.

I don’t know how much it will cost to rent an apartment a year from now.

Worst of all, I can’t know what is best for her. I can’t intuit what job she should take to live her best life. I can’t fathom what challenges she will face in the future.

Giving her glib advice when there is a lot I don’t know is a waste of perfectly good breath and could hurt her if she actually acted on it.

When she was a tot, I used to remind myself that I cannot dream for her and she cannot live for me. That remains true, only it has become ten times worse with so much uncertainty in the world. There is no way either of us can know where she will end up.

For now, I can only give very tentative suggestions and look things up. Probably I should recommend that she start looking into these things herself.

It would be good practice for when she realizes how little her mother knows.



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Vivian Yongewa

Vivian Yongewa

Writes for content farms and fun. Has an AU historical mystery series on Kindle.