Some Things Halloween Could Use

Halloween gets a lot of attention here in the US. I think the reasons for this attention is two-fold:

1. It’s commercially important. Candy and tacky decorations finally get their moment in the sun. Since it is just before the big holiday blow-out that is Christmas, it gives retail a much-needed boost before people feel poor again.
2. It is the last holiday in our world that can be shared with the neighbors. The Victorians made Christmas a family affair (which was a jerk move, Vicky,) Thanksgiving has been a private event for decades, and the other holidays tend to be for a particular type of people: moms, dads, lovers, etc. The last holidays that we get as excuses to gawk at strangers is Halloween and Independence Day. And we’re slowly trying to move Halloween away from the communal aspects.

I propose three things to keep this party hopping:

1. If you must trunk-or-treat, park in the middle of your personal neighborhood. What is with these ‘harvest parties’ that only involve people you always hang around? At least you will remember why you were trying to avoid the gal next door after trick-or-treating at her house.
2. Bonfires. All holidays need fire, and I will not be brooking any arguments because I am correct. Light one up on the beach, in the middle of the town green, and on your lawn.
3. Carve turnips as well as pumpkins. This is just for variety, and turnips don’t get enough love. They taste great as mashes and roasted slices, and they make cute jack-o’ lanterns.